This is a realization I made about myself recently. I've been reading a lot of blogs and articles about fat acceptance and the health at every size (HAES) movement, and it came to me: I really like being fat. I really like the lifestyle that I live, and I really like doing the things that I do, and I like the choices in my life that have gotten me here.
But you look up at the top of the page, at that header up there, and there's one word that stands out to me. It isn't FAT and it isn't HAPPY.
I'm not healthy.
Ten years ago, I could have said that I was. Reports from my doctor showed that all my tests - blood glucose levels, cholesterol, blood pressure, all that business - were within the healthy range for someone my age. I wasn't in the best of shape, but I wasn't a pathetic mess, either. Something I've also noticed is that as my health has declined, my ability to enjoy some of the things that I've enjoyed in the past has declined as well.
Here is a list of some unhealthy/unhappy things about me:
- High blood pressure. I started taking medication for it before I was even 30 years old.
- Joint pain. Especially in my knees and ankles.
- Chronic heartburn. Though this has mostly gone away by cutting alcohol out of my diet.
- Swelling in my feet/legs. This is one of the reasons my body had such a hard time fighting off the cellulitis in my legs back in 2011. It still hasn't gone away.
- Seat belts. Every time I get into a car I haven't ridden in before, I worry if I'll be able to buckle the seat belt over my belly. Sometimes it's impossible. Sometimes it's just very uncomfortable. On airplanes, I have to ask for an extender.
- Airplanes. I need two seats. Though, in many ways this is kind of nice. I like the extra elbow room.
- Things most people don't think about that are tough when you're really fat: tying shoes, putting on socks, picking things up that you've dropped on the ground - really anything that involves bending over. These things are really hard, and they shouldn't be.
- Attending sporting events. If I haven't been to the stadium before, I wonder if I'll fit in the seats. Same applies to movie theaters.
- Dining out. In many restaurants, I don't fit in the booths - especially places where the tables are attached to the wall/ground. If the table doesn't move, I have no chance of squeezing in.
- Amusement parks. I don't fit in the rides anymore.
That's just a sampling of the things that cross my mind on a regular basis.
I'm sick of that. I don't want to sacrifice happiness at the cost of my health. I want to be happy and healthy. And fat. But just not as fat as I am.
This blog is going to be the chronicle of my quest to find the balance between fat and happy and healthy. It will be possible for me to be all three things.
I thought about joining Weight Watchers again. I thought about it a lot. But then I looked up the price of it and I decided that it's too much money. I know what it takes to lose weight. Between my brain and the internet and my circle of friends, I have all the tools and knowledge I need to fight this battle. I will not pay the $500+ a year into the multi-billion dollar weight loss industry. I don't need to be a part of that. I refuse to be a part of that. Instead, I'm going to get my accountability elsewhere. I'm going to get it here, from everyone who plans to read this blog.
Now it's your turn. I'm going to post in here regularly, sharing my thoughts, my successes and failures, and any other tidbits I happen to think worthy of sharing with the world. I need you to read this, to follow me, to encourage me and support me and be my friend. Will you do that for me?
I will start soon. Not today. Not tomorrow. But soon. And I will be here. One day, I will be fat, happy, and healthy.